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I feel a rough smack on my left cheek and look up at Susan with a glare. “None of that” Susan says “You don’t need to faint on my kitchen floor you need to come to terms with the shadow of death”
That again, I think to myself, seesh, but maybe she had a point? A nagging thought says somewhere deep in recesses of my mind. What would it hurt to jump on the woowoo train for a trial, if it did nothing than I had proof that it was all a big joke, but if it did… If it did work I might actually start being able to make some major and important changes in my life.
“I think whatever your thinking might be on the right path” Susan says walking back over to the tea.
Who the fudge was this woman? Could she read minds and see the future? “Now help me with this plate of scones” she says
I do as she says fearing another smack and plate her snacks and whatever else she asks of me, honestly I am only partly there, my mind is stuck on a reel of all the things I have done to myself in the past year, the overeating, the depression episodes, the pushing away of all potential friends, the judgmental BS I come up with as excuses. It really had to stop. I was in a way slowly putting myself in the grave. Was I death? Holy crap that was too deep, back to platting these adorable looking cupcakes. I’m on the last plate of snacks, because Susan really went all out and with the snack options for my mom and her friends to choose from, when my mom comes walking.
I jump a bit at the sight of her walking in. She looked, different. Was it that she looked happy? She had also changed into some loose flowing pants and a peasant blouse, a clunky stone necklace layered on top.
“How do you like your room?” Susan asks adding some napkins to the table.
“It’s so wonderful!” My mom gushes “It feels like it was made for me, surrounded my nature, calm as the ocean.” A happy and far off look crosses her features and Susan smiles.
“I had a feeling you would like it” She wipes her hands on the apron she put shortly after cleaning up her dear Henry’s mess and looks over at me again.
I instantly feel anxious. What was she going to say to me now?
“I think you did more than enough to help out, I can walk you back to your car if you would like?” She says
Oh.. So this was my cue to leave. You’d think I would be happy to get out of this woowoo town but something in me might have actually liked it here, that part of me was obviously completely nutso but it was part of me nonetheless.
“It’s Ok, Susan” Mom says “I’ll walk her back.”
“Nonsense!” Susan says “I have to pick up the people form the bus anyways, it’s not a problem”
Mom looks at me and the plates of snacks and tea and then back at me with a question in her eyes. I see how it is, the snacks alluring power have won over walking her own daughter back to the car. I didn’t blame her though, the cupcakes alone looked so good that I bet it would be enough to make even someone who was celiac debate leaving their potential soulmate for just the smallest taste.
“I’ll be fine.” I tell her. I walk over to her and give her a big hug “Have fun!” I tell her before I release her and follow Susan out of the building.
Susan and me walk in silence, we are maybe three quarters of the way back to my car when none other than Henry jumps in front of the path. He gives his deer grin and something falls from his mouth. I jump scared it’s another animal carcass but Susan walks right by giving it only a glance.
“It’s Progress” she says as she walks ahead.
I quickly follow after not wanting to get lost but take a second to glance at what Henry left. My brows lift in confusion as I see it’s some wilted and dead looking flowers. But Susan was right, it was progress from a dead animal corpse.
And that Deary Diary is how it went down. I’m not making this shit up for entertainment purposes, I’m the only one who will every read or write in you so why would I lie to myself?
So here I am, starting a Diary, instead of looking at more GIF’s of Ryan Gosling. Part of me is scared that ‘Henry’ will find me again if I don’t start making some changes, or even worse Susan will come and tell me more weird woowoo things, so I guess tomorrow I will have to do something different. I should feel happy I am turning my life around but honestly I’m just scared, I’m terrified of leaving the comfort of my current routine even though I know I need to for my own sake. So here’s to embarking on this terrifying journey.
Don’t go anywhere Dear Diary (I mean you literally can’t but still) I am going to updating you to what is happening very soon.